The Inside Counts, Right?

Mind:
Full of questions,
What next? Where do I turn when everything else feels as though it's beating me down? Why are you still in my head, after months, after a year? And why, why do I feel as though it's okay to turn to you, you of all people, my regrets, my savoured memories, our washed up perfection..? Why do I lean on you? When nothing else feels okay who can I count on to be there, everyday, because I need them, everyday? Is it my fault? Why me? What did I do... I question.
Full of doubt,
It won't get better, there's no way anyone can fix me. I wish I hadn't fallen for you, the boy I could never have, the boy that would never have me. I wish I had said something to you, anything to make you feel, even for just one moment, the pain you inflicted on me. I'm never going to make it. I can't keep going. He'll never truly care about me like I truly care about him. I doubt it.
Full of self-hate,
Self. I hate myself everyday... I hate myself in my full length mirror, in my mirror, in any mirror. I hate the self that I see, instead of the self that I constantly hope I one day will be the self that I look at. That area above my pelvic bones, the one that I can pinch, no.. not pinch, the area that I can grab. Between my legs, my inner thigh, that handful of "extra skin". Behind my arms, bra overflow... any overflow at all. The lines under my eyes. With a passion, my hobby, my self-hate.

Body:
Full of problems,
Congenital Disk Degeneration, Arthritis, Disk Bulge L4L5 L5S1, Straight spine, De-genitive Disk Disease, inoperable, too young, "I cant fix this".. More self hate.. "She's only 16" ..... I need to grow up, or else they'll never fix me. Too many problems
Full of "fixer-uppers",
Stomach, thighs, back, hips, calves, arms... too fat. "just run, just run some more". I imagine myself going to the gym every single day, getting addicted to the high that working out sends through my body... but........ I'm..
Full of problems,
Congenital Disk Degeneration, Arthritis, Disk Bulge L4L5 L5S1, Straight spine, De-genitive Disk Disease, INOPERABLE.
too much pain.
unbearable
It makes me want to DIE

Soul:
Full of desire:
I want to get better, get skinnier, get into a good school, make money, have children. I want the one boy that I care so much about to care so much about me back. (Full of doubt.. he won't). I want them to understand, I want everyone to understand what I go through everyday. I want him to care about what I'm going through everyday, I want to play sports. I want to step onto the field and feel the same release that I always felt before, I want that back... it was taken away. This isn't fair..

If it's whats on the inside that counts... then I only count for pain, imperfections, empty selfish desires.
If it's whats on the inside that counts... then I don't count for much.